Love and other things

Hello again.
It's been fun being away and reading my old life on here. It's funny because frequently now I'll be sitting somewhere and I will just sit and marvel and say to myself, how in the WORLD did I get here?! And I love it. My friends, my new world, my different life, it's been a crazy ride and a crazy blessing and I crave more.
Love (always comes down to that doesn't it??) has been on my mind (ok when isn't it?) But lately it's that bittersweet thing. I fell in love. I think. It got cut, though we remain friends. And my love for him grows. But then I stop briefly and wonder is it love? or is it my glorification of being in love? We stopped before any ugliness seeped in. When everything is fresh, and cute, and sweet. But I think of the little details and it feels like love. The things that make me happy, that make me want to be a part of it all, even his heartache. Thankfully we still get to share our lives in some form.
I will say this, I am absolutely without a doubt in love with San Francisco. Every day is like being in relationship. Some days I am happy and we just keep moving forward. Other days I am so angry and I think how could I ever remain? But God, you bringing me here has been insane. The people I've met, deliciously different and open, and just so right. My eyes have been open and I'm trying not to let that city cynicism seep in. To keep that awe and wonder. I've felt that child-like wonder in brief glimpses here. And standing in front of the pacific ocean, knowing that I am literally on the edge of the world, brings such giddiness to my heart.
Now I just long for that someone to share it all with. But in the meantime I've gotten some sweet tastes of it. Have they been broken images? Absolutely. Have they been impure? sadly yes. But God knows me well enough and is merciful enough to allow me to still taste the sweetness. It is that bittersweet that pervades through it, of living in the already but not yet. I'm tasting that. And I long for more. And mostly I long to bring about more of the not yet part. That's the journey I'm on, how do I bring that about? What's my part in that?