Hello darkness old friend

Hi all!
Nooo I didn't forget about you. I just felt soo uninspired and lazy to keep updated even though things were going on. I get more inspired by reading the blogs I follow then writing in this one. Plus it's kind of a bummer because nobody really reads this, which I'm sure it's because I don't put serious time and effort into it. I'm not that delusional haha.
There's some info I'd love to share about a recent photography show I went to and the events/thought/feelings that transpired (ohh so personally juicy) however I'm afraid the person may see it on here. Let's just say it was very typical girl mind drama haha that plays subtle games but then ends up just being happy to see the person and genuinely wants to be friends with the person and was honestly bummed that she wasn't invited and had to pull an internet stalker move to find out about the event. (OY!) and this girl walked 4-6 blocks in heels! the things we do
ok moving on to something more coherent...
Things are quiet here. I keep feeling put on hold. and it's a bit of bummer! I wanna start dreaming and planning to move to SF but now I have a big serious consultation with UCSF for my bladder issues in july. And I was hoping to move during the summer...granted there's still time and God can open doors like crazy but it's just like come onnnn already! I keep trying to find my niche. I do love kids but I'm feeling a pull to just work from home, work on my own. Maybe it's just a self-preservation thing because it's less stressful to me than working with kids (it's stressful knowing you'll be in the bathroom for more than 5mins and the kid is out alone. granted some you can just lock in their room/crib and some are just old enough to be left alone for a bit. But still!)
I really honestly don't know. Still. So the journey continues. It doesn't bug me and yet it does. I hate too many choices. You give me a couple, I'll pick one and I'll go at it with all I've got. God brought me here because He knows that so He's testing my dependency and trust on Him.
I'm so thankful for my amazing kind sweet hilarious friends.
Just had to say that. They understand my issues and just go with me. We go places or just stay home. I may not have a lot of friends but the ones I do have; pure GOLD man.
Hm I don't wanna end here but I need to sort out my thoughts/stories some more so I can write about them.
I plan to be writing more this week...